We all have a story. Here's mine.
I choose a strict Christain Puerto Rican family brimming with pride, secrecy, and sacrifice. However, I was never able to buy into the story that there was only one way.
I love my culture.
I love my family.
I love their approval.
Still, I could not play by the rules and I was never happy when I did.
I remember I was about 8 years old working on my handwriting (I love playing with my handwriting) I just asked where do I come from and what do all these spiritual beliefs hold in common? I had a wandering eye from the beginning. I was certain that half the world was not going to hell because they found God in a different way than my father's church.
Since then I was always searching for the common current to all forms of spritual beliefs. I loved to try on different beliefs with every discovery. I was fascinated with the hundreds of new paths that I found. My goal was to create as many adventures and bizarre unique opportunities as I could come hell or high water and find the common element. I wanted to try everything at least once.
I broke a lot of rules. I disappointed many and confused even more. Regardless of my rebellion, I loved fiercely and continued to search for the ineffable common denominator.
I, like 99% of all humans, experienced pain, betrayal, confusion, and made huge mistakes growing up. For whatever reason, I took the impact of these hurts inward. Depression, anxiety, addiction, lethargy, shitty relationships and suicidal ideations manifested. My relationship to love and joy was twisted.
I wasn't planning to live past 30. I was a walking contradiction - I wanted it all and sabotaged everything I loved, every time. I was caught up in a cycle of feast or famine with no breaks in between. It was either love or the total absence of it.
My mother (an unusual suspect) introduced me to Jose Silva and Seth in my teens. In my early 20s, she introduced me to Abraham-Hicks. About that time I started to feel the visceral awareness of frequency and the sea of vibration that makes up the universe. My 20s became a foundational education in empathy, false love, true love, resilience, the never-ending process of evolution after every mistake and victory.
The momentum built with all the teachings, books, practices and took control. I was furious. It was just a few months into my 29th year - closing in on my 30th year- the year I was going to let myself out of this life.
I got knocked up with a man that didn't love me yet I loved my baby the moment I heard,"It's a girl and her name is Naomi." I was staring at myself in the bathroom mirror over a sink filled with vomit.
Suddenly, I was painted into a corner.
Forced to live.
Not just live but love.
I was pressed to love deeper than I thought my broken system could handle. I had no choice other than to finally take command of my ship in this vast sea of vibrations and focus.
She was just 2 months old. I remember staring at her as she slept in her bassinet beside my bed. I felt so cold and removed, I knew this wasn't right. "There has GOT to be a better way."
I spent the next 10 years loving like I never loved before.
I was committed to learning and relearning how to make love work inside of me. I was committed to learning how to navigate this world filled with love and change using focus, vibration and emotion.
I had no choice but to strip layers and burn some bridges.
Lovers, friends, and nay-sayers; addictions, illusions, insecurities, and necrotic beliefs - they all met the phoenix's fire. Some of these relationships and addictions had to go through the ring of fire more than once. You see, I was creating authentic sustainable change - you don't always get it right on your first try.
There were some nuggets of love that were made stronger through the fire. I added these powerful shiny bits to my armor (or my garden). Most of it just fell away and became fertilizer for the new.
I didn't do it alone. Growth doesn't happen in a vacuum. I had mentors, friends, books, teachings, and family. I leaned into all of these things frequently and heavily. My stubborn resistance and denying myself love for decades was hard on my body, mind, and soul. I needed back-up. I needed strong loving, acceptance, and consistent back-up.
My growth was anchored in a deep commitment to love and renewal through transmutation. I am committed to loving my shit. I am committed to being a teacher to other humans who choose to brave the vibrational seas with eyes wide open as they take 100% responsibility for all of it.
I didn't know this then but, I know it now - I have been preparing for this opportunity to teach, share and empower through being me every time all the time.
With my heart as my compass, I choose to navigate my life by the constellations of wild love, unconditional acceptance, and illogical ease.
I am blessed with rebellion and freedom.
My vessel is steady in choppy waters from decades of trial and error.
I choose to harness the ever-present momentum to manifest growth and new thought.
Are you ready?
Don't worry no one ever is.
You CAN do this, I promise.